


The One Where John Goes to Lush

by waydurie



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Boyfriends, Fluff, Lush, M/M, Sparkles, honey bee bath bombs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 09:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3245333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waydurie/pseuds/waydurie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have transferred £100 into your bank account. I need you to go to Lush. I'm all out of Honey Bee bath bombs. -SH<br/>--------------------<br/>That's the message John received in the middle of his Civil Laws class, and he would think twice before going against Sherlock's Lush impulses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where John Goes to Lush

**Author's Note:**

> I found this gem of a prompt on tumblr and I just needed to see it done. I hope you enjoy <3

 

If only John didn’t do everything Sherlock told him to do then maybe he would spend a little less time at rugby practice reaffirming some semblance of control and more time sat in front of the telly watching the crap shows he guiltily watched after a hard day at work.

 

But no. That was too much to ask when someone like Sherlock was his boyfriend. But goddamn did John love Sherlock and John wouldn’t change that for anything in the world, truly he wouldn’t. However, that didn’t mean John didn’t have his moments where he doubted his sanity for bending to even Sherlock’s smallest whims.

 

And one of those whims included a midday trip to Westfield Mall to get his boyfriend as many Honey Bee bath bombs from Lush that £100 could buy.

 

**How many -JW**

 

John knew Sherlock enough to not even question why he was receiving a text message at eleven-thirty in the morning in the middle of his psych class telling him to get honey scented, bubbly bath bombs that left the entire bathroom shimmering like a disco ball. This was Sherlock and questions were sort of, kind of a waste of time, that is if John expected a straight answer.

_The exact quantity is irrelevant. I just told you I put £100 on your card, that should be enough to spark your imagination. -SH_

 

**Sherlock, I know you. You probably have a certain amount set in your head that you expect me to telepathically guess and when I don’t buy you just that you’ll make me go out and buy more -JW**

 

**I will not step inside Lush more than I have to. And once is plenty enough. -JW**

 

_Fine. -SH_

 

Wait for it, Sherlock might be in a slight strop at the moment but that would all change the second he remembered John was responsible for bringing home his bath bombs.

 

_I’d like you to bring me 5 Honey Bee bath Bombs. -SH_

 

John refrained answering, and a few seconds seconds later.

 

_Please -SH_

 

John held out another couple seconds.

 

_Don’t make me beg, John -SH_

 

**I’m on my way, Sherlock. I’ll bring you your stupid sparkle balls when I get back to the flat. But I swear to god I will not be cleaning anymore of that fucking glitter from the bathroom walls. -JW**

_Deal. Just get home as soon as you can. -SH_

 

John sighed at the fact he had a charming boyfriend that happened to be incredibly pushy at times, all the time. But love was blind and John by the looks of it was born without sight and perhaps even hard of hearing.

 

John was still very much in the middle of his psych class but he guessed he could skip the last half hour. It wasn’t like he would miss anything important the class before the midterm exams.

 

As quietly as he could, John stuffed his papers into his bag and closed his books before finally rising from his seat and skirting around the corners of the lecture room. Professor Lestrade wouldn’t be happy but after John did some explaining and the word Sherlock came up, John was sure a make up study session would be well under way. Lestrade taught Civil Law to Sherlock on Wednesday nights and he knew the little delight that could be the young Holmes.

 

It was a cold power walk to John’s car from the lecture hall, and the wacked up heater in his ‘96 Volvo didn’t make the whole let’s-go-to-Lush-and-buy-honey-bath-sparkle-glitter-bombs fiasco any better.

 

John thought he should perhaps send Sherlock one last message before starting up the car and heading over to the mall that should be getting it’s fair share of people for the midday rush. Maybe Sherlock had changed his mind or he’d found a sneaky little sparkle bomb hiding somewhere in the back of the bathroom sink cabinet. Anything to prolong his visit from Lush.

 

**So you said 5 Honey Bee Bath Bombs, right? -JW**

 

_Yes, that’s what I said John. Is something the matter? Does Lush not have them?-SH_

 

_Because then you absolutely must go to another location to find them.-SH_

 

**Nope. Nothing’s the matter. Just checking. -JW**

 

_Well, I would think even you would be able to look back at the text history to see that was clearly the amount we discussed. -SH_

 

**Relax Sherlock. I just wanted to double check directly with you. -JW**

 

**You’re always changing your mind and I didn’t particularly wish to waste my time going all the way to Lush. Waste the same time you like to claim to ask for even more favors and the money you probably had to ask Mycroft for, for something you would just throw away in a corner. -JW**

 

_I see. -SH_

 

**You do, huh? What do you see then, Mr Holmes. -JW**

_That you know me better than I thought you did and that I possibly love you a little bit more than when you left the house. -SH_

 

**If this is what buying you bath bombs get’s me, then I’ll happily buy you some of those glitter bombs every day ;) -JW**

_Sentiment John. But duly noted. -SH_

**Don’t be such a berk, you know you like it. -JW**

 

_I can neither confirm nor deny that statement. -SH_

**Whatever you say, Sherlock. Yet again, you just remember I’m the one that’s on the way to get you those fucking bath things. Behave now. -JW**

 

_I love you John, the love of my life, the apple of my eyes. -SH_

_Love me, adore me. Please don’t do me like that. -SH_

**That’s more like it. I’ll talk to you later. -JW**

 

John turned off the sound to his phone before finally taking off in his car and turned off onto the M4. His university building wasn’t especially far from the Westfield mall so at least that was an upside.

 

John could practically smell the sickly sweet smell of the elderflower honey mixed with the lavender undertones from where he was now, that’s how badly he wanted to get everything over with. Damn, if Sherlock ever accused him of never loving him enough, John had enough evidence right here to prove otherwise.

 

How many other boyfriends would drop everything to do a Lush run when your partner was perfectly capable of doing it for himself? Not many, mind you, the number of boyfriends that put up with the amount of nonsense John did was almost non-existent.  

 

The traffic into London was decent. No pile ups or jams to report about meaning John made it to the mall in record time. His trusty old Volvo sputtered to a stop into a parking space near the front doors of Westfield. Once the car had fully come to a stop, John turned the key in the ignition and made sure he heard the engine turn over twice before finally getting out of the car. John didn’t want a repeat of the time he had to stop his car from rolling down the street.

 

John pulled the scarf Harry had knitted him over his nose to stave off the biting wind. Because yes, it was that cold that walking from the car to the entryway of the mall required clothing reinforcement. There was a nice blast of warm air that hit John the second he walked through the doors, and finding Lush was worth it just for the heat.

 

One good thing that came from being Sherlock boyfriend besides learning countless of incredibly complicated but interesting facts about everything under the sun --except the sun, however.

 

John knew the exact layout of every mall with a Lush or a Soap Shop in a ten mile radius. Sherlock claimed it was for John’s best interest but John knew better. It was for Sherlock to know beyond doubt, John would know of at least four different alternatives for buying his assortment of bubble sparkle bars, bombs, whatever.

 

Therefore it was a mindless task for John to get from point A to point B. And point B smelled a lot like a field of a thousand different flowers, and spices. Oh, and it also had a crowd of people spilling out of the door that only shopped at Whole Foods. And here John had thought he’d made it just in time before the start of the shopping rush. Damn had he been wrong. And damn it, why were the Lush stores the size of cardboard boxes, barely fitting ten people at a time.

 

John hung around the outside edges of Lush waiting for the majority of the organic junkies to clear the way. Besides, John didn’t want to be caught in the middle of so many people oohing and ahhing at the super chocolatey smell of a soap bar, or the feeling of their super soft hands. Being the only male in the middle of young women didn’t exactly feel right, and that wasn’t John fussing about his reputation --not that he had one. For godsakes John practically knew the staff better than some of his class peers.

 

Not even ten seconds after walking into the heavily perfumed chain store, John was greeted by Lainey from behind the counter. She was exactly the woman John wanted to see considering Lainey was the one who reserved a few Honey Bee bath bombs for John whenever a new order came in every week.

 

“It’s that time of the week, huh John.” Lainey walked around the sales counter and prowled towards John with a teasing smile on her face. “His majesty Sherlock needs his sparkles and damn it if his man John won’t go and get it for him.”

 

“Har har, very funny Lainey.” John deadpanned with a glimmer of half-planned murder in his eyes. “Just give me the bath bombs and we can both walk away from this without any scars. And they won’t be from me, mind you.”

 

“Shona, get in here! A certain someone’s in a bad mood!” Sing songed Lainey towards the back of the store.

 

A woman’s giggle reverberated from the storage room. Moments later, a short girl with black hair plaited down her back stepped out --still in a fit of giggles.

 

“Is it Johnny boy? Is he on another errand for his man? If only every man in the world were like John Watson, earth would be a much better place.” Shona made kissy faces at John followed by a cheeky wink. Small puffs of steam were starting to come out of John’s ears, he was definitely not in the mood for this.

 

“What I wouldn’t do for a man like John Watson to love me and get me chocolate ice cream at three in the morning. But woe is me, there could only be one Watson on the Earth that is so whipped like our friend John here.” Shona continued conspiring smugly with Lainey from across the room in hopes to rile John up a little more.

 

“Why yes Shona, it’s our dear Johnny boy back on his weekly endeavor seeking the highly coveted Honey Bee bath bomb for the man of his heart.” The level of teasing was strong between the three and that was one of the reasons John didn’t particularly didn't mind staying at Lush after taking his first step inside.

 

“You guys think you’re so funny, don’t you?” John squinted, his eyebrows rising high into his hairline. “Sorry to break it to you, but you’re anything but that.”

 

“You hurt us Watson.” Shona said holding a hand to her hand. “Careful, or don’t you remember who saves you all those honey scented, overpriced balls of baking soda for no extra charge.” Shona then crossed her arms over her puffed chest.

 

“And I appreciate it very much, more than words can describe, truly. But I don’t remember asking for that favor. It was you guys that brought it upon yourselves.”John defended himself.

 

“Fair point. So, what brings you here, Watson? And that’s besides the fact you’re here to buy us out of Honey Bee bath bombs.” Lainey said in anything but a caustic tone.

 

“Nope, that’s all, girls. I can’t possibly think of anything else I could need from here.” John took a look around the store with a look of derision. “Well, except that moisturizer I like to buy, but you can’t tell Sherlock I even touch the stuff or I swear I will torch everything you love if you do.”

 

“Geez. Our lips are sealed, hot stuff, but that’ll be until Sherlock comes and gives us a better offer. Then you mean nothing to us,” Shona nodded along to everything Lainey was saying. “Anyways, getting to business, exactly how many of these sparkle shit balls do you need? This week we were a bit short on supply and we had to dip into your stash, but just a bit.”

 

“Define what you mean by a bit.” Undertones of panic rung clear in John’s voice. This was not sounding good. “You know how specific Sherlock is when he asks for a certain amount of twinkle bombs. He’s going to kill me!” groaned John.

 

“Don’t panic just yet, Little John. Let’s talk about numbers and organic shower bombs before we arm ourselves for The Sherlockian War.” said Shona holding her hands in a placating pose.

 

“Yeah, that’s a good point, I guess. Here goes nothing.” John breathed in pinching the bridge of his nose simultaneously. “Ladies, god, exactly how many of those Honey fucking Bee bath bombs do you have for me this week?”

 

“Alright so on Friday we had eight all stored away just for you. Then on Monday some guy came in and asked to buy our whole supply of Honey Bee bath bombs, strange that, since it’s not one of our most popular products.” John raised an eyebrow towards Shona who was starting to get sidetracked. “Anyways, we as Lush employees are contracted to sell whatever’s in stock to the customer physically at the store, first come, first serve.”

 

“So what you mean to tell me is that you actually have none to sell to me.” John growled fiercely, Sherlock was going to be at his throat if John dared enter their flat sans Lush bag. Sometimes John wondered if Sherlock even loved John but loved the fact that John was equivalent to endless overpriced shower products.

 

“No, John. That’s what you said. What we’re telling you is what we as employees are supposed to do. But that doesn’t mean we’re the type that do we’re told to do.” Shona and Lainey shared an equally diabolical smile and John wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved or doubly worried.

 

“What the hell are you trying to say, just out with it.” It wasn’t a pretty sight when John lost his patience on top of already being desperate.

 

Lainey looked around her surroundings before dramatically leaning in closer to John. “Between you and me, and Shona, also Kirk from the three to seven shift, we sort of forgot we had eight saved for you. So when the guy asked for our whole supply, we could only find three of those eight.”

 

John did the math, and he did it again, and again. Could it be true? Was eight minus three really five? The exact amount of glitter death bombs Sherlock had asked him to bring back with him. Oh what a happy day this was turning out to be indeed.

 

“So if I have this right, you have five left. Five Honey Bee bath bombs left in the back room to sell to me, right now, for credit. No questions asked. Honey Bee bath bombs, five of them, me, for Sherlock.” Admittedly, John did sound slightly moronic by the way he was speaking.

 

“That’s exactly what we just said Einstein. Way to keep up with the conversation.” sniggered Shona.

 

The gods were smiling down at John, and oh god he better hurry up because those moments don’t necessarily last long.

 

“Don’t even think about it ladies, I’ll take all five. Put them in a bag and ring me up. I won’t even ask for the total price, it’s all on Sherlock’s card anyways.” John hurried to the till scrambling to get his wallet and card out of his pocket.

 

“Easy there, Speedy Gonzales. Is five enough? Is that the amount Sherlock asked for?” Lainey smirked as Shona disappeared into the back room of Westfield’s closet sized Lush.

 

_John, have you reached the store yet? -SH_

_If I go by the time you last texted me, you’ve approximately been at Lush for fifteen minutes.-SH_

 

Lord jesus the texts have started back up again. And once they start they never stop, not even if John himself is in the same room as Sherlock. Sherlock could text more than a hundred words a minute but he couldn’t bother to open his gob to tell John he needed a new, hot cup of tea.

 

_That’s more than enough time for you to get to the store, ring up the Honey Bee bath bombs and be paying right about now. -SH_

_There better not be something holding you back. -SH_

 

_John! Tell me there’s not anything that’s distracting you from coming home as soon as possible. -SH_

_ASAP. Do you have any idea what that means, John? As soon as possible. At least try to use your brain cells to get the job done correctly. -SH_

_Is there a reason you’re not answering my texts John? You know how insistent I can be. -SH_

_If you bring me my bath bombs within the half hour I might just share one of them with you...with the sexs, the bath sexs that is, of course. -SH_

_Huh! I thought that would certainly catch your attention. I guess I miscalculated. -SH_

_Wait! I’m never wrong. John are you dead? -SH_

_Should I call the police? Because I don’t know the emergency number if I have to. -SH_

John received the onslaught of text messages all at once considering Lush was not in the best spot for reception at the mall. And he thought that it was about time to give Sherlock an answer if the poor boy had already started proposition sharing his bath bombs and sex in the same text message.

 

**I’m alive, so calm down and wait for me to get home. I’m almost done. -JW**

 

Ten seconds passed without a response from Sherlock so John assumed his boyfriend had gotten the clue. If Sherlock expected to get his bath bombs, he couldn’t expect John to keep him distracted with texts at the same time as focusing on choosing the correct fizzle bombs.

 

“Guess we know who wears the pants in the relationship now. Shona, you owe me those five quid we settled on last time John was here.” Lainey quipped in a honeyed voice.

 

But John knew better, he knew that the snarky store clerk was only fishing for a reaction from John. But the blond had already settled on looking in the direction of the cash register screen and he wasn’t about to look away. His fingers fidgeting with the corners of his --well Sherlock and his bank card.

 

“Quit it, L. Just swipe my card, put the glitter bombs in the bag and no one gets hurt.” Shona burst out of the back room at that moment, her hands overflowing with spheres of assaulting honey smell.

 

“I see you’ve started to resort to physical harm, geez Johnny boy, that’s hardcore even for you.” John glared down at both of the girls now standing behind the store counter. Whilst Shona was wrapping up Sherlock’s fizzy bombs putting them into a bag, Lainey was doing...whatever she was doing on the touch screen register ringing up John’s order. The gods continued to smile, the girls weren’t particularly looking to continue their teasing mood, no more than usual. They could be brutal at times, and that was John speaking from experience.

 

“More swiping, less talking, chop, chop.” John waved the bank card in front of Lainey’s face, the changeable girl annoyedly swatted John’s hands away and continued to tap away at the screen.

 

Lainey groaned when Shona deliberately slowed down putting the honey bombs in the Lush bag. “Shona I swear to god if you don’t hurry up I will kick your ass so hard into next week even the Doctor will wonder how I did it.”

 

John hummed in agreement at Lainey’s words, they were in the home stretch now. Only seconds away from being the proud(?) owner of exactly five sparkle fizz bombs that would be donated to the Sherlock Fund.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to get all riled up like our young John over here.” Both Lainey and John lasered a glare down at Shona. “Relax, both of you. See, I’ve finished. All done, now, take the bag, the free samples, but spare me my life.”

 

The blond boy smiled dryly at the shorter woman’s humor, a sure sarcastic retort was at the tip of his tongue but Lainey just wanted to get John back to his owner.

 

“Will that be cash or credit?” Lainey asked out of courtesy right before she grasped the joint bank card from John’s hand and swiped it at lightning speed through the card processor. “I’m going with card, your total is £16.75, sign here please and thank you.”

 

John scribbled something close to his name on the credit reader and nearly smashed the ‘enter’ button as if that would make the bank process his order any faster. A whirring sound came from the left and Lainey was holding her hand behind the printer awaiting the receipt to finally be able to contractifully send John on his way. Any second before and Dorota, Lainey and Shona’s boss would’ve served their asses on a platter.

 

“Take your bleeding receipt and get the hell out of here, now, I’m serious John. We love having you here, no doubt about that, you’re our most loyal customer, and a huge tipper on top of that, ta very much. But lord knows we don’t want the wrath of Sherlock brought upon us. We don’t want a repeat of last fall, so there’s the door, have a nice ride home and give Sherlock the cheeky, sparkly devil our best.”

 

John nodded once, twice, that sounded pretty good, and with his sparkle fizzle balls in hand, John turned about face and there was no looking back. Well, except for the half-assed wave he threw over his shoulder followed by the muddled good-bye to the girls.

 

John powered through the food court, weaving through a mess of people in hopes to get to his car faster. This was a mission of desperation now, and technically it wasn’t as much because he wanted to get the hell out of the mall. Well that was part of it, but Sherlock had also proposed a nice steamy shower now that John thought of it, even if it was a bath that would leave him smelling like a honeycomb and looking like a sparkle cannon.

 

It was a wonderful thought having Sherlock all to himself, pliant and purring in his arms like a docile cat in their steamy bathtub. Yes, a nice hot bath sounded delightful right now.

 

John crossed the parking lot forgetting all of the rule about looking both ways. But he made it to the ‘96 Volvo alive so he guessed that was all that really mattered anyways.

 

Lush bag literally buckled into the passenger seat next to John, it was a short ride back on the M4 to get into inner London. If he listened really closely, John could hear Sherlock’s impatience seep through the metal work of his car. A few more minutes Sherlock, hold your horses.

 

The door of 221B had never looked so inviting before with the promise of a nice cuppa, a good re-run episode of Connie Prince, and ten extra seconds of attention from Sherlock. John decided that ringing the doorbell, or using the knocker would be useless unless he wanted Hudders to answer instead of Sherlock. So sacrificing his hands and fingers to dig out his keys was they way to go.

 

A two minute talk with Mrs H about the Great British bake Off and a rain check on yet another meet for tea, John finally made it up the steps of 221 to find the apartment doors burst wide open.

 

John called out into the strangely empty living room. “Sherlock, I’m home.” John received no answer but he heard the swirling sound of water from deep within the flat.

 

“John, is that you?” John raised his eyebrows slightly amused, he also made sure to close the flat doors and to triple check the locks were done. “What am I talking about? Of course it’s you, I would’ve already guessed if it were anyone else.”

 

John sighed as he walked into the kitchen setting the Lush bag down on the first clean space he saw on the counter. “Yes, Sherlock, it’s me. Where are, you by the way?”

 

“Remember when I sent you that text about sharing one of my bath bombs with you? In the shower for the sexs. I’m in the bathroom John, join me. And don’t forget to bring the Honey Bee bath bombs, we’ll need them.” John knew that tone, that naughty, flirty cadence Sherlock liked to use when teasing John before the real fun began.

  
And John didn’t need to be told twice. Especially, when he was already halfway to the bathroom with his pants pooled around his ankles, unbuttoning his shirt whilst holding the lush bag in between his teeth for his dear life.


End file.
